General Election (3)

Well, not long to go and still it is all a bit interesting. I am confirmed in my decision to vote Lib Dem. But I still worry that the Tories could gain an overall majority. Which they absolutely do not deserve.

Various factors recently have made me even more appalled by the thought of a Tory government. Cameron's failure to discipline Christopher Grayling was the first factor. Then there was the Tory press' co-ordinated attack on Nick Clegg, organised by George Osborne, and pathetically dragging up articles and items from years ago, none of them of any substance anyway. Now a Tory candidate has argued for the re-introduction of section 28. And above all the Tories have waged a dishonest and inconsistent campaign.

As for Nick Clegg, I remain impressed. I would have preferred however that he had had the courage to insist that he was aiming to form a majority government, instead of getting embroiled in debate about who he would support in the event of a hung parliament. But the policies are sound, the campaign is impressive and the Lib Dems deserve to play a leading role in government post-election.

I cannot help keeping my fingers crossed, though. Please don't let the British people be egged on by the Murdoch press and taken in by Tory mock-reasonableness. The Tories are still nasty.

General Election (2)

No sooner do I post a blog suggesting that I might vote Lib Dem, and suddenly they make a massive jump in the polls. I didn't know I had so much influence! Okay I agree there was the small matter of a debate on Thursday, which may also have played a part.

It's all got a bit interesting, hasn't it. I didn't think Nick Clegg was all that impressive on Thursday. It's just that Cameron and Brown were so dire, that he ended up being head and shoulders above them in both style and substance. And now we appear to be truly into three-party politics. And I welcome that.

But I do think that the bounce in the polls says something about the electorate. Something not very complimentary. It comes from the fact that many people had not heard of Nick Clegg. Now I know he has struggled to get air time. But not heard of him? Doesn't that suggest that many of the electorate were simply ignorant. And that elections are won and lost by people who really do not know the issues or the people involved. A good reason for never moving to compulsory voting.

For now, I wait to see what happens in the next two debates. I hope that the Tory foreign policy comes under fire in the next debate. Their linkage to East European far-right parties in the European Parliament is a disgrace.

At Christmas my football team, Inverness Caledonian Thistle were 14 points behind the leaders. Now they are 9 points ahead. And something similar is happening with the Lib Dems. Let's hope both can build upon their recent results and not let things slip.

I agree with Nick.

General Election (1)

Well, it's all a bit of a bore isn't it? David Hare got it right when he said this week that there is no longer any poetry in politics. Where is the oratory? Where are the big ideas?

And where am I in my voting intentions? I have voted Labour at every election since 1987. But I fear I cannot do so this time. Gordon Brown is not the person to lead the country. 'We will do whatever it takes'. What the F*** does that mean exactly?

There was a time when I though I could vote Tory. But I simply could not vote for a party that might give us George Osborne as Chancellor and certainly not for a party that gave us that ridiculous homophobe Christopher Grayling as Home Secretary. In any case, their manifesto is a silly document and the shadow cabinet are all rather unimpressive people. Please save me from Liam Fox.

So it is likely that I will vote Lib Dem. So far they have just about done enough to make that a positive vote rather than a 'lesser of all evils' vote. Nick Clegg is the most impressive party leader. Vince Cable has proved to be right on the economy and the banks. And their social policies give me a vision of a Britain that would be a better place to live than either of the two other main parties are suggesting.

But there are three weeks to go and three leaders' debates. Let's hope things get more interesting after such a dull start.

6 days in a car

Certainly that's what it felt like. We had decided to drive to the North of Scotland over Easter to see my Dad in Banffshire and some of Andrew's relatives in Perthshire.

We took 2 days for the journey north, stopping in Morecambe en route in order to see, and stay at, the refurbished art-deco Midland Hotel. All very nice.

We then drove my Dad around to Findhorn and Lossiemouth on Saturday and over to Deeside on Sunday. Again, very pleasant.

And we took 2 days for the journey south, having lunch with Andrew's relatives in Dunkeld and staying overnight near Carlisle.

It was all fine and of course it was good to see the various relatives who, sadly, are getting older and are less able to keep control over their lives. And paying my respects to my Mum, my grandparents and other family members in the graveyard at Crathie was, as always, a spiritual expecience. But it was a long time to spend in a car when I have so many things I could be doing in my flat in London.

Mind you, whilst driving along the M6 is absolutely no fun, the road over to Crathie and Deeside is beautiful. Here is a picture I took as we descended into Deeside. The mountain in the background is Lochnagar which, of course, we had climbed last July.

Heading for Scotland

At Christmas, we drove up to visit my Dad in Keith in the North of Scotland from here in the London area. The temperature was well below freezing and there was a lot of snow. Some of the driving was difficult. Very difficult.

In February, I flew to Aberdeen again for a weekend with my Dad. The return flight was cancelled because of snow at Luton and I had to take a long overnight train journey instead.

Tomorrow we again head up to Scotland by car. It is Easter. Summer time has arrived. Tomorrow is the first of April. What can go wrong? Well, once again the weather! Last night over 12 inches of snow fell in Keith. Even more in the Central Highlands. We are due to drive up on the A68, A9, A95 & A96. This morning, all four roads are blocked.

Time to cross our fingers.

Melancholy in Malaga

We are spending 6 days in our small flat in the centre of Malaga. We were here for a couple of days at New Year, but otherwise have not been here since October.

It is great to have a base over here. Although our flat is tiny, it is located right in the centre of town, an area I love. We also have a supply of clothes over here as well as toiletries and a reasonable supply of food in the kitchen. So we can travel very light and just take up here where we left off a few months ago.

I always intend to do more than I do. But somehow I just relax into life in Malaga - beers in the bars at lunchtime, trips to the beach, shopping in the Calle Larios and just generally strolling around. I have grown to love the city of Malaga. On Saturday evening we went to a concert in the Teatro Cervantes which is a couple of hundred yards from our flat. This time it was the Malaga Philharmonic Orchestra who are seriously good. The programme included Saint Saens, Vaughan Williams and Tchaikovsky. On Sunday we had a meal at the Vino Mio, our favourite restaurant. Sunday was flamenco night.

The weather has been dry but rather cloudy and cool. Which is a pity. I could do with some sun. But I have been to the beach each day and have caught up with some reading.

Yes there are a thousand and one things I should be doing back in the UK. But I do enjoy being over here. And I shall be sorry to have to head back to the UK on Wednesday.

The Lottery of Life

I don't really believe in fate. And I do believe that you get back from life what you put into it. As ye sow, so shall ye reap.

But the randomness of life is the factor which I find increasingly difficult to ignore.

My father is 93 and is finding it difficult to motivate himself each day to what is now, because of his frailty, a mere existence. Today I am bemoaning the fact that I have a cough and a cold and don't have the energy to do the things that need doing. Are we being selfish?

There are people in Chile or in Haiti whose whole world was destroyed in a few seconds. One of my tennis partners died suddenly last December. My Cousin lost his wife to cancer just last week. The carer who looks after my Dad's sheltered housing complex buried her mother last week; and had had to return to working with people who are 30-40 years older than her mother was when she died. Stephen Gately died last year. A few weeks ago, Alexander McQueen took his own life, aged 40. Today I read that Kristian Digby was found dead aged 32.

Yet I worry about work, about my pension about my future. I worry about whether my relationship will still be in place many years down the line rather than whether we are going to have a good time together this evening. I worry about tomorrow rather than today. Even though I do not know if there will be a tomorrow. It isn't logical. Guilt and worry - the useless emotions.

Let's return to Buddha. 'As you walk, and eat and travel - be where you are. Otherwise you may miss most of your life'. I am at home with a bad cold, a sore throat and a cough. Not pleasant, but not something I can change. So I must just be here, accept that I am here, and take life from here. And live it.

Family responsibilities

I am up in Scotland for the weekend to visit my Dad who is 93 and in sheltered housing. The fact that he lives 600 miles away means that I do not visit as often as he would like. Possibly not as often as I should, though I don't do too badly. My sister lives in Devon, and she also visits when she can. But he is on his own, at least as far as family is concerned, for most of the time.

His eyesight, hearing and mobility are, inevitably, declining. So his world is shrinking. And he is not dealing with that very well. And, to put it mildly, he makes his disquiet very clear.

For some time, he has been going to Aberdeen on a monthly basis for an injection of Lucentis which stabilises the wet macular degeneration which is affecting his eyes. These involve a journey of 60 miles each way. And after 14 of these injections, there is still leakage. So the eye clinic gave him a dose of cold laser treatment last week. Unfortunately this has led to an immediate and severe deterioration in his eyesight. I read on the internet that this can happen in 5% of cases. Nonetheless it is disappointing and for him it is even more worrying. So it has been a difficult weekend.

Nonetheless, the weather has been amazing. There is about 4 inches of snow, there was not a cloud in the sky and not a breath of wind. Quite magical. Yesterday we went to Craigellachie and Dufftown, stopping off at Telford's bridge over the Spey in Craigellachie. Somewhere I used to walk to with my grandparents who lived in Craigellachie in the 1960s.

Today we went to Portsoy, Cullen and Spey Bay on the North East coast. We had lunch at the Cullen Bay Hotel, where I did a summer job in 1969. I took the flip video, and here is the result.

Courage

I have not been present in person at many inspirational speeches. At conferences I attend, the introduction is factual at best and tedious at worst. I guess the one speech I do remember was when I was in the Hordern Pavilion in Sydney on 2 November 2002 along with about 15,000 other participants for the opening ceremony of the 2002 Gay Games (I played in the golf competition and sadly came 4th, missing a medal on countback).

One of the speakers was Judge Michael Kirby. I had never heard of him, but found out later that he was an Australian High Court Judge who had risen to that position despite his sexuality and had never hidden that sexuality. He had had to overcome many obstacles en route including attempted blackmail.

On that evening in Sydney, he gave an inspirational speech. I can no longer remember the details, but I still remember the emotional impact it had.

Today I was browsing the internet, and I cam across that speech. It remains inspirational. As such, it is worth repeating below.



GAY GAMES VI

OPENING CEREMONY SYDNEY

SATURDAY 2 NOVEMBER 2002


COURAGE

The Hon Justice Michael Kirby AC CMG


Under different stars, at the beginning of a new millennium, in an old land and a young nation, we join together in the hope and conviction that the future will be kinder and more just than the past.

At a time when there is so much fear and danger, anger and destruction, this event represents an alternative vision struggling for the soul of humanity. Acceptance. Diversity. Inclusiveness. Participation. Tolerance and joy. Ours is the world of love, questing to find the common links that bind all people. We are here because, whatever our sexuality, we believe that the days of exclusion are numbered. In our world, everyone can find their place, where their human rights and human dignity will be upheld.

This is a great night for Australia because we are a nation in the process of reinventing ourselves. We began our modern history by denying the existence of our indigenous peoples and their rights. We embraced White Australia. Women could play little part in public life: their place was in the kitchen. And as for gays, lesbians and other sexual minorities, they were an abomination. Lock them up. Throw away the key.

We have not corrected all these wrongs. But we are surely on the road to enlightenment. There will be no U-turns.

Little did my partner Johan and I think, thirty years ago, as we danced the night away at the Purple Onion, less than a mile from this place, that we would be at the opening of a Gay Games with the Queen's Representative and all of you to bear witness to such a social revolution. Never did we think we would be dancing together in a football stadium. And with the Governor. And that the Governor would be a woman! True, we rubbed shoulders on the dance floor with Knights of the Realm, such as Sir Robert Helpmann and with a future Premier, such as Don Dunstan. But if an angel had tapped us on our youthful shoulders and told us of tonight we would have said "Impossible". Well, nothing is impossible to the human spirit. Scientific truth always ultimately prevails. So here we are tonight, men and women, indigenous and newcomers, black and white, Australians and visitors, religious and atheist, young and not so young, straight and gay - together.

It is put best by Corey Czok, an Australian basketballer in these Games:

"It's good to be able to throw out the stereotypes - we're not all sissies, we don't all look the same and we're not all pretty!"

His last comment may be disputed. Real beauty lies in the fact that we are united not in the negatives of hate and exclusion, so common today, but in the positives of love and inclusion.

The changes over thirty years would not have happened if it had not been for people of courage who rejected the common ignorance about sexuality. Who taught that variations are a normal and universal aspect of the human species. That they are not going away. That they are no big deal. And that, between consenting adults, we all just have to get used to it and get on with life.

The people of courage certainly include Oscar Wilde. His suffering, his interpretation of it and the ordeal of many others have bought the changes for us. I would include Alfred Kinsey. In the midst of the McCarthyist era in the United States he, and those who followed him, dared to investigate the real facts about human sexual diversity. In Australia, I would also include, as heroes, politicians of every major party, most of them heterosexual. Over thirty years, they have dismantled many of the unequal laws. But the first of them was Don Dunstan. He proved, once again, the astonishing fact that good things sometimes occur when the dancing stops.

I would also add Rodney Croome and Nick Toonen. They took Australia to the United Nations to get rid of the last criminal laws against gay men in Tasmania. Now the decision in their case stands for the whole world. I would include Neal Blewett who led Australia's first battles against AIDS. Robyn Archer, Kerryn Phelps, Ian Roberts and many, many others.

But this is not just an Australian story. In every land a previously frightened and oppressed minority is awakening from a long sleep to assert its human dignity. We should honour those who looked into themselves and spoke the truth. Now they are legion. It is the truth that makes us free.

§ I think of Tom Waddell, the inspired founder of the Gay Games. His last words in this life were: "This should be interesting". Look around. What an under-statement.

§ I think of Greg Louganis, twice Olympic gold medallist, who came out as gay and HIV positive and said that it was the Gay Games that emboldened him to tell it as it was.

§ I think of Mark Bingham, a rowdy Rugby player. He would have been with us tonight. But he lost his life in one of the planes downed on 11 September 2001, struggling to save the lives of others. He was a real hero.

§ Je pense à Bertrand Delanoé, le maire ouvertement gay de Paris, poignardé à l'Hôtel de Ville au course de la Nuit Blanche. Il a fait preuve d'un très grand courage - et il est un homme exceptionnel. When the gay Mayor of Paris was stabbed by a homophobe he commanded the party, at which it happened, to "Dance Till Dawn". Do that in his honour tonight. And in honour of the Cairo 52; the Sister movement in Namibia; Al Fatiha - the organisation for Gay Moslems and many others struggling for their human rights.

§ And I think of all of you who come together on this magical night to affirm the fundamental unity of all human beings. To reject ignorance, hatred and error. And to embrace love, which is the ultimate foundation of all human rights.

Let the word go out from Sydney and the Gay Games of 2002 that the movement for equality is unstoppable. Its message will eventually reach the four corners of the world. These Games will be another catalyst to help make that happen. Be sure that, in the end, inclusion will replace exclusion. For the sake of the planet and of humanity it must be so.

Amusez-vous bien. Et par l'exemple de nos vies défendons les droits de l'humanité pour tous. Non seulement pour les gays. Pour tout le monde.

Enjoy yourselves. And by our lives let us be an example of respect for human rights. Not just for gays. For everyone.

Gran Canaria

The weather remained dull and cloudy at best with some torrential rain at times as well. Which was disappointing. But it was sunny for much of our final day, so I did get some time by the pool.


And Andrew made some very good contacts, and renewed old ones, on behalf of Amro Worldwide. He also did very well on behalf of IGLTA at a talk that he gave, along with Carlos from IGLTA and Dario from Gran Canaria Tourism.


I also enjoyed our meeting with Tim from Gay Travellers Network. Interesting guy and interesting website. I hope it thrives.

So it was an enjoyable few days. Gran Canaria did grow on me. It has a lot to offer the tourist, especially if they explore the island and don't just stay in resort. I am sure we'll be back before the year is out. As ever, here are a couple of photographs that I took.

Gran Canaria

I am over here for 5 days partly on holiday and partly helping Andrew in dealing with apartment and hotel owners to ensure that Amro Worldwide´s product is the best it can be.

The weather is dreadful. Wet and windy. And suddenly I realise that Gran Canaria has its limitations. There is little to do when the weather is not good. It´s been a long day without much of interest. And tomorrow promises more of the same. Now I know why I prefer mainland Spain. At least there they have trains.

Great Theatre

My previous post, when in effect familiarity bred, well not exactly contempt but certainly a touch of boredom, got me thinking about the best theatrical productions I had ever experienced. In almost all cases they arose from the fact that my expectations were not particularly high and then I was just overwhelmed by how good the production or performances were. And again almost all of them had a high emotional content. So what were they? Well here are a few of them.

Tomorrow Was War. This was entirely in Russian, performed at the National Theatre by the Mayakovsky Theatre Company of St Petersburg. We were given headphones and Vanessa Redgrave gave a simultaneous translation in English. After a while I did not need the translation. I was just deeply drawn into the story. Basically the play was about the last year at school in 1938 of a class in St Petersburg. Their carefree final year at school. And for many of them, their final year of life. As soon as they left school they were conscripted into the Russian army. Many died. And the overwhelming emotion was of the hideous waste of lived unfulfilled.

This Island's Mine. This was performed by Gay Sweatshop at the Drill Hall. I remember standing outside the theatre wondering if I would have the courage to even go in. I am not sure what I was expecting. What I got was a wonderful play, honestly performed and which had a huge resonance on my closeted life at that time. Many years later I got the chance to perform scenes from that play at a theatre workshop. And I still have a copy of the play.

La Cage Aux Folles. This was performed at the Wimbledon Theatre by the LT players, an amateur group made up from employees of London Transport. I had invited a large group of friends and was nervous that they might not enjoy it. It was just such fun. Not without important and serious themes, but done with such style and such enthusiasm. I laughed, occasionally cried, and have loved the show ever since.

The Grapes of Wrath. Again at the National Theatre, performed by the Steppenwolf Company from Chicago. Not exactly an enjoyable evening, but certainly a raw and emotional one. A depressing tale brought to life by an great cast and an innovating staging.

Follies. I saw this at the matinee performance on the final day of its run in London's west end. I don't remember much about the production but I remember one performance. Eartha Kitt had been brought in late in the run. She has a minor part, but she had a great song - I'm Still Here. Her performance of that song was electrifying, and she got a standing ovation of at least 10 minutes right in the middle of the production. Julie McKenzie was on stage ready to deliver the next line and had to hang around on stage, not looking very happy, until the ovation for Eartha Kitt died down. And now sadly Eartha is no longer with us.

I have been forunate to have seem many other great productions - Bent, Beautiful Thing, Tectonic Plates, CarMan come to mind. We have bought tickets for the Cheek By Jowl performance of Macbeth in March. Let's hope I might be able to add that to the list of great theatre.

Dying Swan

Well perhaps not dying, but for me Swan Lake has lost its vitality.

I am talking about the Matthew Bourne production - the so-called all-male Swan Lake. We went to yesterday's Sunday matinee performance. This is, I think, the fifth time I have seen this production, so I am a fan. Of course nothing can compare to the first performance I saw. In those days, Adventures in Motion Pictures were a small unsung group of dancers. I had seen them perform in front of about 100 people at the Baylis Thetre doing La Sylphide set in a Glasgow tenement. But of course Swan Lake was a revelation. I remember, on that first occasion, standing up to applaud as soon as the final curtain fell, possibly the first time I had ever given a show a standing ovation without waiting to see if others were doing the same. Yesterday I stayed in my seat.

I suspect that in fact it was not the production that was at fault. It was the audience. For that first performance, the bulk of the audience were gay men looking for a bit of a frisson and then being blown away by the quality of the performance. Yesterday's matinee audience were mainly elderly women in groups, probably also looking for a frisson but then giggling like schoolgirls each time a male swan appeared. That, and familiarity, meant that I was never going to be able to repeat the sheer excitement I felt the first time I saw this production.

That said, the dancing was impeccable, the music is of course fantastic and there was a real power at the end when the prince and the swan meet their end. I am glad we went. And I am sure that anyone seeing this for the first time, would absolutely love it.

Afterwards we used our Toptable points to claim a free meal at Thai Thai in Old Street. The meal was excellent. Despite my comments above, it had been a good day.

Hibernation

I often think that I was meant to hibernate for a couple of months in the winter. Certainly over the past couple of weeks I have been busy at work but done very little in the evenings or at weekends. But now the snow has gone, perhaps I can get back to golf or tennis and start to get out a bit more.

Tomorrow we head to Sadlers Wells to see the Matthew Bourne Swan Lake. This will, I think, be the fifth time I have seen it. And afterwards we are taking advantage of my Toptable points to get a free meal at Thai Thai in Old Street.

This morning, though, it is raining, so I have not yet left the flat. Perhaps I need a couple of photos from our recent trip to Malaga to cheer me up. As you can see, I experimented over New Year by not shaving.

Dozy

I didn't sleep well last night. And I've had a busy day. So I am now feeling very tired. I don't want to write the blog. I just want to go to sl........

Be Where You Are

It was all going to be so different this year. There I was with a day off on Thursday and a list of things to do. Did I do them? Well, not exactly. I got up later than usual, spent too long on the internet, read some magazines, spent more time on the internet, went to Sainsburys, spent more time on the internet, watched TV, went to bed. In other words I frittered the time away. Fritter, fritter, fritter.

And in between times, I checked and responded to work emails. So much for dirfferentiating work, rest and play.

And it is a double whammy. Not only did I waste time, but now I am wasting time getting upset that I wasted time. But none of that alters the fact that I am where I am. Or as Buddha put it 'As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are. Otherwise you may lose most of your life.'

So I will put Thursday behind me. Well I have no choice, I can hardly put it in front of me! Now I will head out and get on with today. The first day of the rest of my life.

Benview

My mother was very ill in the first 6 months immediately after I was born. She had to spend most of that time in hospital in Inverness and I was looked after primarily by my grandparents who lived in a house called 'Benview' in Craigellachie 60 miles away (there was a lovely view of Ben Rinnes from the house).

They lived in that house throughout my childhood, and although I do not really remember my first 6 months of life there, I do remember with affection the numerous weekends we spent at Benview with my grandparents throughout my early childhood.

On our drive south on Boxing Day we went through Craigellachie. We discovered that Benview is for sale. If only I could afford it. It would be great to be able to own my grandparents house and to use it as a holiday cottage for visits to the highlands of Scotland. I cannot do that, but it is a nice dream. Here is a picture of Benview.

More photos in the snow

A couple more pictures which I took on our drive through Scotland on Boxing Day.

Driving in the snow

Our drive back from Scotland at Christmas was not too bad. Some snow through Grantown and down A9 from Aviemore. This allowed me to take some interesting photos which I can now upload -

Hello 2010

At the stroke of midnight, we ate 12 grapes, as is custom in Spain, one for each stroke of the clock. We were in a restaurant in the Chueca area of Madrid. We´d had a good evening - a good meal and interesting conversation, as interesting as my Spanish allowed, with those on neighbouring tables.

And now we have arrived by train in Malaga for a couple of days. The flat is fine, the weather is okay and my thoughts turn to 2010 and my hopes for the year ahead.

I won´t exactly be making a list of resolutions. In any case these would be much the same as those in previous years. I simply want to kick-start my life and, particularly, to get things into a correct balance. Work, rest and play. Last year these rather morphed into each other. I want to manage my time better and keep work, rest and play separate.

When I am at my paid work, I need to concentrate better on that. Other domestic work at home needs time dedicated to it. I must ensure that a spend sufficient time on play, whether it be golf, tennis or just getting out and about in the fresh air. And I need to realise that it is okay to rest. I can watch television, though sparingly. I can surf the internet, but with self-control. I can sometimes simply listen to music and let my mind wander. I don´t need to feel guilty about doing nothing, provided that I have been doing things when I was supposed to do those things.

I will devote time to others, but also time to myself. I won´t let others get to me and won´t be too hard on myself. Wherever I am, I need to just be where I am, accept where I am and not wish I was somewhere else.

In 2010 I will buy a new car and maybe move home. I must sort out my finances so that I can plan for the years ahead. I will do some travelling. I will do my best to be a good person and to accept the inevitable slings and arrows when they arrive. And I´ll have some fun.

Tomorrow the sun is due to shine and I hope to go down to the beach and spend a few hours just reading over a beer or two at a chirrunguito somewhere along the Malagueta. Planning the year ahead can start on Sunday. Doing it can start on Monday.