Dear Diary

I was tidying the garage this morning and came across some old diaries. They make interesting reading for me and help me remember how I saw things at the time. In particular I was looking at diaries from 1979 and 1989 - 30 and 20 years ago respectively.

On 12 Feb 1979, I started my entry as follows. 'I am writing the first part of today's report in the morning in case I don't survive the whole day'

Yes I know - melodramatic as ever! And then I continued. 'The shooting has been incessant and very close to us. At one point this morning, Richard and I were in the back yard listening to the gunfire when a bullet whizzed past us and embedded itself in the wall about three feet above us. Never have I felt so close to death. Never have I been so scared.'

Yet here am I 30 years later, fit and well. Reasonably fit and reasonably well, at least. Certainly still alive.

In 1979 I was living and working in Teheran. We found ourselves in the middle of the Iranian revolution. In February, we were house-sitting for a Swedish client who had taken his family back to Sweden because the situation was too dangerous for them. But not apparently too dangerous to ask us to look after his house. Which just happened to be situated close to Niavaran Palace where the bulk of the fighting was taking place that day.

Later that day I wrote - 'The airport is closed so our journey away from all this, though increasingly necessary, appears less likely. I moved my bed away from the window for safety and was woken up many times during the night by barrages of machine gun fire'.

The surreal aspect of it was was highlighted in my entry the next day. ' This evening we had an enjoyable Chinese meal but were stopped twice on the way home by gunmen'.

Anyway a couple of days later, the RAF flew an evacuation flight into Teheran airport and we scrambled aboard. And off we went to RAF Akrotiri. The Iran adventure was over.

30 years later, I have never returned to Iran. But I want to. The people were friendly, the countryside was amazing and the whole adventure was a fascinating part of my life. I have watched over the past 30 years as the Americans have adopted the wrong policy over Iran and have strengthened the hardliners. I just hope Barak Obama might assist the bulk of the Iranian people who just want to live their lives in peace and security following their own religion and their own lifestyle without interference. And one day I still hope to return, albeit just for a holiday.

Then I had a look at my diary for 1989. Exactly 20 years ago today, I went to the Place Theatre to see a performace by Wim Vanderkeybus. And yes I still remember that performance.

The weather in May 1989 was hot. On my birthday on the 20th, I had been playing tennis with Jon, Sue and Denise and they gave me a cake. Again I remember that day. Sadly, I have no idea where Denise is, and I have been very lax at keeping in touch with Jon and Sue.

And work was a bit fraught in May 1989. I was working at the Royal Festival Hall and the finances were not good. I was doing the management accounts and delivering bad news, which did not go down very well. But we got through that period and I worked there for another 16 years.

My personal life was rather complicated in 1989. I was still coming to terms with my sexuality. I had met David in Southampton and was having an emotional roller-coaster with Howard. I had started to go to Turning Point and had discovered gay theatre. But I was still going out with Liz.

At the end of the year, the end of the decade, I wrote the following in my diary. ' Above all the eighties have been a decade of wasted opportunities, of playing safe.' I think I learned over the next 20 years that that was not good enough. And I am in a better place now because of that. Once again I quote the Buddha - 'As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are. Otherwise you may miss most of your life'. I think I do now fill my life with being where I am rather than regretting the past or worrying about the future. And that's good.